Another program of research I’ve been actively involved in since my undergraduate studies has been around health psychology and self-compassion. In this blog, I will dive into the psychology of self-compassion, and how it differs from mindfulness.
Most of us have heard about “mindfulness,” as it remains quite the buzzword for self-care nowadays. However, self-compassion remains a newer concept that is beginning to cause excitement in the field of psychology and beyond.
Self-compassion was first championed by Drs. Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer. It is a separate but similar domain to mindfulness as it brings awareness to our present moment experience without judgement.
Self-compassion is comprised of three main components: (1) self-kindness (i.e., being kind and understanding to oneself when one is suffering or in pain, as opposed to being self-critical), (2) common humanity (i.e., perceiving one’s experiences as part of the human condition shared by all rather than isolating and separating), and (3) mindfulness (i.e., having a balanced awareness on painful thoughts and emotions, rather than over-identifying with them).
Self-compassion allows us to bring awareness to the individual (e.g., who is it that is experiencing this right now?) and allows us to connect and relate to ourselves in our experience by providing a layer of sensitivity and awareness to our own personal suffering. As humans, we all contend with suffering—it is simply a part of the human condition. As such, self-compassion theorizes that you cannot have compassion towards yourself without feeling and acknowledging the pain and our innate desire to alleviate that suffering.
Indeed, you can think of self-compassion as experiencing a different way to relating to ourselves. For example, often when we experience suffering, we respond with harsh self-criticism (e.g., What is wrong with me? Why am I so weak?). However, being self-compassion to yourself will allow you to pause and take a moment to reflect; this allows us to check-in with ourselves. Then speak to yourself in a more kind and gentle manner, like how you might speak to a friend when they’re suffering. Oftentimes, we are significantly harsher to ourselves as we are to our friends. If we can teach ourselves how to deviate from that harsh, judgmental path when we personally experience suffering, we can start to treat ourselves better, like a friend. We can start relating to ourselves the way we relate to a close friend.
Kindness matters…. especially to yourself. Remember to treat yourself with kindness and self-compassion, similar to how you would treat your friends: without judgement.
Further reading on the topic of self-compassion.
Photo by Dee @ Copper and Wild on Unsplash
